|Losers are generally less confident right? But is it by choice?
||[May. 24th, 2005|07:07 pm]
|||||What a Day Day - Fog||]|
Self esteem and confidence, when exactly did mine vanish and is there a way to rebuild and repair? I can see in myself a very scared person, to the extreme of fearing eye contact and the game of who looks away first. I always lose that little game and it foreshadows everything to come. I can never be the person that imposes his whims and expects others to follow. Im more or less a follower in design and have lost the ability to be spontaneous. But is there something Im missing? If these things were lost, that would imply that they can be found. So where do I begin? How do I start this search?
I always come back to a certain idea though, its comforting. Everyone, every person has this same affliction that causes self examination and punishment. Most are not as extreme but the idea is this, maybe it should be. Maybe believing yourself to be god isnt such a good thing. Thats a bit too much but the idea holds, people tend to think so high of themselves that they can use and abuse others for thier own benefit.
Do I really want to become that again, do I really want self esteem and confidence to make a return? Why am I better than the person next to me? That is what confidence and a strong self esteem facilitate is it not?
I believe myself to be no better than any other man and no man better than me. Am I simply ignorant of a simple truth? Does someones financial worth determine thier worth as a person in the grand scheme of things? It certainly does afford them bonuses in life, but is it anything more than that? Simple bonuses that in no way matter . . . is that what Im to strive for and then proclaim myself better for after achieving?
I dunno what Im posting this for or what kind of replies Ill get . . . if any. But, Im bored.